Parenting….not for the weak.

Posted: February 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

My wife and I had our hardest parenting day yet this past Sunday. Our 8 year old was playing in his indoor soccer leagues championship game against the only team that beat them in the regular season. These kids won every game by at least 5 goals and walked through with the exception of 2 games. They ended the regular season in 2nd place and I am very proud to say that my son was a huge part of that success averaging a hat trick a game.

So this is where things got difficult. Now my son is a lot like me which means once something gets into our head we can be pretty stubborn. This can and will be a great ability for him down the road if used properly, but I have also found first hand that it can be really difficult as well. As you can imagine when you can literally make yourself believe 100% anything you think up there are some issues that can arise.

Now back to the game and I should mention they also scrimmage this same team every Monday in practice. They have never beat this team so it is understandable to a degree that an 8 year old would get somewhat negative about the game. The problem is that Kadyn convinced himself so much that his team was going to lose that the boy forgot to show up.

They found themselves down 2-0 early in the game, but Kadyn scored the first goal and brought them within one. Now here is where the cliff just dropped and Mel and I as parents watched our baby boy crumble. The other team came back and scored a quick goal. To Kadyn that was the end of the game and the point that he decided to quit on his team and hopefully began the process of learning.

Now watching our son fall apart, quit on his team, act out on the field, all the things he was doing out of frustration was absolutely crushing us. It was like getting your parenting report card and it just has one big massive F. At that moment and since I have not stopped thinking about what we can do to fix this? How do I show my son the importance of team work and that quitting on a team lets so many people down? The questions are not stopping and I don’t think they will as this lesson is going to stick with us for a long time.

I love my son more than he will ever know. He has the potential to do anything he wants. He is a straight A student and a phenomenal athlete. What I have to keep reminding myself is that he is just an 8 year old boy and will learn.

The most important lesson out of this day is that Mel and I have so much work to do before we are quality parents. It won’t be easy and we know it will come with plenty of days like this, but we love our kids, our family, and everything we have that you can really only look back and recognize that this was not a day that hurt our family, but a day that is going to shape our family.

Adversity in life is nothing but a speed bump along life’s path.

Kadyn, should you ever find this blog post I want you to know that no matter what your Mother and I will always love you. You really are a special little man and you make our world so much brighter. Remember to always give 110% in anything you do and you will never lose. As I told you last night, I do not care if you win or lose, but I do care if you give 100% or 50%. Regardless of it is Academics, Athletics, etc… give everything you have to what you are doing at the moment.

I love you Kadyn,
Daddy

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Comments
  1. barb says:

    As a coach, I remember trying to instill the “fight” instinct in my athletes. Never say die, fight to the end… and in ski racing that meant hiking back up the hill, and fight til the end of the course. It is a difficult thing to teach especially in this time when there is so much emphasis on winning. Performing your best in any situation and giving your best is perhaps a lesson taught well by Bode Miller… it’s not about winning, it’s about doing your best. I would recommend his book, but he might be a decade too young to read it! Good job “pop”.

    • colbcox says:

      Thank you Barb and either way I will pick up the book, so thanks for the recommendation. It is a tough lesson and one that I hope he is beginning to learn, but I understand it will be a process. You did a hell of a job as a coach and I must say you helped shape a lot of who I am today and my fellow racers. Ski racing was one of the highlights of my life and one the areas that I learned a lot about life. Thank you!

  2. betsy says:

    I’am standing here in my office reading and crying,reading this. I have just been sick about this matter. Reading this has showed me that you all have thought realized he is just a child and all that is said to him will be molding him as as adult. Everything a parent says does stick with children even if you don’t think they are listening. Parents are the ones every child looks up to. Remember this in all your actions. Love Grammy

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